


Life Is Wand-erful

by vaderina



Category: Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them (Movies)
Genre: Consumption of Magical Artefacts, Elder Wand, M/M, You have one guess who does that
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-16
Updated: 2018-03-16
Packaged: 2019-04-01 04:19:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,023
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13990344
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vaderina/pseuds/vaderina
Summary: The final stand against Grindelwald was planned, drills had been run and they were ready. When did things ever go according to plan when Grindelwald was involved? Even an agent of chaos such as himself cannot account for Newt however.





	Life Is Wand-erful

Things went decidedly not well. In fact, it could have been said that things went south quicker than a witch’s knickers when she’s spelling the off for a bit of fun times. It wasn’t a raid, it was a full on assault that had been planned for, organised and drilled for over months. The final stand against Grindelwald was meant to be a few hours of fighting before the group of international aurors would have successfully infiltrated the stronghold and taken it over. Alas, plans rarely worked out as intended and with Grindelwald it was nigh on impossible to predict what would happen. The aurors were corralled through corridors, bottlenecked in hallways, led on wild goose chases that ended in dead ends. Hours later they were exhausted, moral was shattered and they had been shepherded into a hall where they were surrounded in defeat.

Grindelwald’s supporters walked through their prisoners, selecting some with gruff pushes to urge them to the front. Percival, Theseus, Newt, the French Head Auror along with the German Director were pushed to their knees on the dais at the front of the hall.

“Wasn’t that a fun game?” Grindelwald strutted in front of them, wand twirling between his fingers. “You thought you could best me in my home? How delightfully childish.”

He stalked up and down in front of the men and women kneeling at his feet, prideful in his victory. Newt and Theseus exchanged a look and rolled their eyes at the posturing and monologue they were about to be subjected to.

“You,” Grindelwald drew their attention back by pointing a wand at Percival’s face, “were such a fun puppet. I did so enjoy our time together. The little ring leader in all this no doubt, to exact your revenge. Well, I won’t kill you first because I want you to see and appreciate just what your lust for vengeance has wrought.”

He moved down the line, talked to each kneeling prisoner with disdain, highlighting their shortcomings, mocking their futile anger and rebellion.

“As for you,” Grindelwald’s wand pointed at Theseus, “so easily swayed. You claim to be a leader of your aurors but you’re just as quick to follow idiots like him.” He jabbed his wand towards Percival then moved to stand in front of Newt with a leer.

“A thorn in my side. A pest.” The wand was unwavering in Newt’s face.

“I’ve been called worse.” Newt snipped back. The wand jabbed closed to his face, almost touching his nose.

“You get involved with things that don’t concern you, remorseless in your pesky interventions and disruptions. You need to be out of my way. Permanently.” Grindelwald bared his teeth as Newt met his stare and shrugged.

Watching the two men stare off, everything moved in slow motion. Grindelwald’s sneer, Newt drawing his head back and opening his mouth. The widening of Grindelwald’s eyes was almost comical as Newt’s teeth clamped around his wand and he bit down hard. The crack that came with the wand snapping sped time up again. Newt jerked his head back, the wand fizzled little sparks as it split and the thestral tail hair core slithered out. The wooden tip of the wand fell from Newt’s mouth as Grindelwald shrieked in rage. However the thestral tail hair stuck to Newt’s lips and glowed as it dissolved on his tongue.

“Ooh. It tingles.” Newt almost giggled as he began to float up towards the ceiling. Nobody moved in their shock even as Grindelwald cursed and demanded another wand.

“I don’t like this.” Newt’s voice turned a little panicked as he precariously floated along the ceiling. His hands shot out to try and stabilise himself. Instead he rolled and magic oozed around him. The ceiling sprouted ivy that rapidly spread through the room. It followed Newt’s loyalties as it wrapped around stunned wizards and witches who were slow to react. The ivy wound itself round Grindelwald, immobilising him along with all his followers.

Slowly the aurors got to their feet and looked around in stunned silence. All their foes were mummified in ivy, restrained but twitching. Percival looked at Theseus.

“Don’t touch the ivy.”

“Why?”

“I think it’s poison ivy.”

“Percy! Get me down form here!” Newt was plaintive in his whining and rolled backwards this time. Small white flowers blossomed throughout the ivy. Theseus eyed the red rash that had blossomed across Grindelwald’s face where the ivy had gagged him and he winced.

“Percy! Theseus!” Newt called louder.

“Just focus.” Theseus hollered with a small tired smile. “Like when we were kids and I kept levitating you.”

Everyone tried to hide their smiles as Newt whined pitifully like a child.

“Come this way darling.” Percival’s soft words of encouragement and arms extended up towards Newt seemed to help. The gentle words helped and Newt slowly descended, his own arms held out towards Percival. As soon as their fingers were laced together Percival helped pull him down and plant his feet firmly on the ground. His arms wrapped around Newt and a hand wound into the curls at the back of his head in reassurance.

“You apparate everywhere, you rode dragons, thestrals, and brooms since you could walk. What was all that fuss about?” Theseus interrupted their reunion.

“I like having something between my legs holding me up.” Theseus spluttered, Percival stifled a laugh and Newt gawped at his unintentional innuendo. Out of the blue Theseus cuffed Newt on the back of the head. Both Percival and Newt turned with a frown.

“What was that for?” They asked in unison.

“How many more times do I have to tell you? It’s really unhygienic to put a wand in your mouth!”

“That reminds me.” Percival gently cuffed Newt too before rubbing a soothing hand over the area. “That’s for eating dangerous magical artefacts and hoping for the best.”

Newt pouted sweetly at his brother and his lover.

“I guess I deserved that.” Theseus cackled suddenly and as he turned away from them he looked over his shoulder for a parting shot.

“From now on the only wand you can have in your mouth is Percival’s.”

**Author's Note:**

> Prompts taken over at tumblr - @ladyoftheshrimp


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